PREGNANCY AND BABY LOSS

I am the only daughter of a mother who lost three children —one stillbirth and two miscarriages. My mother’s losses have shaped my life in more ways than I can ever truly explain. I grew up attending meetings at the Miscarriage Association, I read poems many times at Remembrance Services and I have stood beside my mum on many occasions when people made throw away remarks about why there is 14 years between me and my youngest brother – “a wee mistake”, “a new marriage”. My mum’s losses have influenced the woman I became, the mother I am today, and the work I now do to support other families walking a path of heartbreak and healing.

I often wonder what it would have been like to have three more siblings. What would our home have felt like growing up? How would we support each other now that we are older through life’s challenges? Now that I have my own children, I see how rich their lives are because they have each other— and at times I do think about the brothers and sister I never got to grow up alongside, but feel lucky to have the two brothers that I do have.

Baby loss, in all its forms, is far more common than many realise, yet it’s still something people often struggle to talk about. Parents, siblings and families, may struggle to find the words to express their pain, or fear that others won’t understand. Similarly, friends and other family members might struggle to have conversations for fear of saying the wrong thing or avoid talking about it all together. However, by creating more understanding of the different types of loss, we can begin to open up these conversations with more compassion and awareness.